Free women don’t chase cages

Oh well, I broke up.

But this time it was different.

I didn’t wait like I normally would, not until it got really bad, I got really sad, or he did something unforgivable.

He didn’t meet my standards, and that’s exactly where I stopped.

Stopped begging, explaining, sharing, therapizing,

stopped dragging him along.

And once again I stand by my truth: love is not enough.

I’m a whole woman who won’t settle for half love.

I’m freeing myself from every structure that has ever tried to keep me small, so the love in my life should feel big.

I’m brave, so I expect the love that finds me to be brave too.

Settling for something that feels comfortable but isn’t grounding, nourishing, and in support of my spreading wings? Not for me.

There was a moment of a pregnancy scare, and it reminded me of two things:

First: I get to decide what kind of DNA will be reproduced on this planet, and what kind of man’s genes will live on through my body.
Well damn. I’m not going to waste that on someone who isn’t extraordinary in how he loves, in how he treats this planet, in his talent, and in the truth he embodies.

Why should I?

Second: I always thought I was in a hurry to become a mum again. I wanted my daughter to become a big sister quickly. I haven’t given up on the dream of a fulfilling family life, but I am also only twenty-eight. Even though family building was a tangible option with my ex, something we both wanted, both felt ready for, and were good at , something had shifted.

For the first time, I am taking seriously what I bring into this world. I love my creative expression. I love where I am heading in my career. I am actively building my dream life.
And so I became clear pregnancy is off the table for a long time.

And that is new.

I’m not even angry at my ex.

He fell for a fiery woman who had already built her world: a family, a vision, goals she had the courage to pursue and he wasn’t built to run at that pace. Well what should I do about it.

My biggest win anyway?

One of my exes is now in therapy.
Which, if you ask me, is a public service for all future girlfriends. You’re welcome!

And the truth is, I could easily wait.

Wait until he’s done looking at his emotions, sorting things out, and becoming more clear in his path. After all, he is a decent person.

But love that needs to be put on hold is not the kind of love I want.

Love is a leap. It is messy, unplanned, and sometimes wildly inconvenient. It demands courage in the moment, not someday.

So no, I will not wait for someone to clean out his emotional cellar before he can start building with me. That space should stay empty until someone comes who has already done the work, who is already brave, who is already in the midst of his dream life.

At the end of the day I’m thankful, because after all, I gained clarity over the type of love and man I want.

Somebody with ambition, who knows how to love ambitiously.

Someone with a vision & fire and who knows how to make me feel his without burning.

Someone who can build a bright life and hold me inside of it.

Someone who isn’t afraid to be loved deeply and to love deeply in return.

Someone with integrity who keeps his word.

Someone whose presence feels like safety and expansion at the same time.

Someone whose eyes light up when they see me, even after years.

Someone who meets my strength with his own and my softness with honour.

If you ever see me smiling next to a man in public, know he’s rare the kind who could one day be trusted with my future, my body, my life.

Everything else… will never make it past the door.

And for now, my days belong to family, to the work that excites me, and to the purpose that keeps my heart steady. ♥️

Yours sincerely,

Rayssa