✦ THE PATH TO MY HEART ✦
we have so many movies about love
and in them, the woman is often portrayed as weak
as someone waiting to be saved, kissed awake, carried away
and for a long time, i thought that was the kind of love i wanted too
someone to show up, stand in front of me, and say
enough
enough to all the people who hurt me
enough to all the ways i’ve been silenced
because truthfully
i wasn’t raised gently
i was raised with violence
physical, emotional, verbal
i was called names by the people who were supposed to protect me
humiliated
hit
placed in situations that stole my innocence
touched by hands that never should’ve come close to me
i was nine
and nobody ever told me the man i had to call “father”
should never have had that title
so i kept looking
looking for someone who would finally stay
hold me when i fall
show me that i mattered even when i was sick, scared, messy, complicated
but all i found were men
who mistook my strength as a shield they could lean on
men who saw my light
and clung to it like proof that they didn’t need to find their own
and i bled
oh god, i bled
so many times i told myself
maybe love isn’t for me
maybe i’m just too much
maybe i should love women
maybe i’m not supposed to be held
but what i’ve learned is this
i don’t want just a man
i want someone who has chosen himself
who looks in the mirror and says
this is me
without shame
without performance
because only when you’ve chosen yourself
can you truly choose someone like me
i’m not a reward
i’m not the final scene of your redemption arc
i’m a woman who will build a life with you
if you can be here and still be you
i’ve had the promises
the flowers
the men who say i want you
but when they whispered to themselves
i don’t know if i’m enough
i felt it
and i don’t need a man who doesn’t believe in his own light
because i’ve spent enough years carrying mine
i don’t need gifts
i need truth
i need someone to look at his reflection and say
you’re the one i choose
and when he does
not to impress me
but because he really means it
i will appear
maybe not in the way he expects
but i will lay my head on his back
look into that same mirror
and say
yes, you’re the one
and i’m glad we’re finally both home
because i chose myself a long time ago
and that’s why this time
if you choose me
it will last